Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Take Me To Your Lizard...

A spaceship lands and when the gangplank lowers, a robot clanks its way down to terra firma and grinds to a halt in front of the assembled armies of the world. Two people watch on television, Ford Prefect (an alien) and Arthur Dent (who is a human, but not very good at it). The electronic creature stares at the army men arrayed before it, looking slightly confused... after a moment, it speaks.

"I come in peace," it said, adding after a long moment of further grinding, "take me to your Lizard."

Ford Prefect, of course, had an explanation for this, as he sat with Arthur and watched the nonstop frenetic news reports on television, none of which had anything to say other than to record that the thing had done this amount of damage which was valued at that amount of billions of pounds and had killed this totally other number of people, and then say it again, because the robot was doing nothing more than standing there, swaying very slightly, and emitting short incomprehensible error messages.

"It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see..."

"You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?"

"No," said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, "nothing so simple. Nothing anything like that straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."

"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."

"I did," said Ford. "It is."

"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?"

"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates the government they want."

"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"

"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."

"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"

"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in."

----------
Quoted from So Long and Thanks For All the Fish by Douglas Adams

4 comments:

David said...

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Keba said...

I agree, except I think we have different lizards in mind.

Eternal Apprentice said...

The wrong lizard... sounds like a Wallace & Grommit tale, doesn't it?

Dennis L Hitzeman said...

I'm wondering if they're lizards or serpents...

Sorry, I've been reading a lot of Lewis recently.