Oh, and are people objecting. Apparently, religious hack and rabble-rouser, Bill Donohue, who is president of the so-called "Catholic League" got his publicity-seeking panties in a bunch about it. Jacobson has apologized for her remarks, saying that she "respect[s] all religions." Please. Isn't it possible for us NOT to respect someone's religion? Does Dana really feel she has to respect the religion of those people who worship, say, the giant spaghetti monster? Aren't some people just whackos?
Certainly, Catholics don't fall into this category, but clearly we've reached the point where this woman, who admittedly got drunk and said some stupid things -- at a ROAST! Do you know what a ROAST is? It's all about being offensive. But I digress -- she said some stupid things and now feels the need to mollify OTHER religions as well lest they deem that her apology to the Catholic League somehow, by omission, impugns their beliefs as well. Again: Please.
In other Catholic-related news, St. Louis Archbishop Raymond Burke has asked that St. Louis University take some undefined "appropriate action" against the school's basketball coach, Rick Majerus, for comments he made at a political rally. The coach, who was at the rally as a citizen and not as a basketball coach, was interviewed and asked his views on stem cell research and a woman's right to choose. He replied that he supported both positions, though he made it clear that he wasn't in a position to really make the call about abortion since he's not a woman. He also implied that abortion wasn't a choice he would make if he were in a position to make it. Why is this a problem?
The Archbishop is afraid that Catholics might be lead astray by these comments. Yes, the Archbishop apparently believes that Catholics are so addle-brained that they'll take the personal opinion of a basketball coach as the sign they've been looking for to overthrow the Pope himself. Can Armegeddon be far behind?
I share these incidents with you, not because I'm looking to bash Catholics -- it's no joke to say that some of my best friends are Catholic -- but because I want Bill Donohue, Raymond Burke, and you to know that I am offended and I demand an apology.
This may come as a surprise to you, but if you fit any of the following categories, you have trampled upon my rights not to have to listen to your stupid opinion and have offended me. You have offended me if you:
- support a sports team other than the ones I do
- have a different religious belief than I do
- don't acknowledge how wonderful it is to have my particular color of skin
- don't acknowledge how wonderful it is to be from my particular cultural origin
- don't know the trouble I've seen
- have never played Euchre
- don't go exactly the speed that I want you to on the highway
- make me wait in line
- make more noise than I find acceptable
- don't give me a job when I want it
- disagree with my opinion on any subject
- are getting angry right now
- think this post is stupid
- reply to my post with anything other than absolute support for me and my position
- buy the last box of Ding Dongs just before I get to the store
- don't like my favorite TV shows
- don't like the same music as me
- don't support my favorite political candidate
I could go on, but you get the idea: your mere existence is offensive to me and you must apologize immediately. In fact, please suspend yourself for the next week. Don't go to work. If your boss gives you any problem, just let him know -- yes, just HIM, not "or her" -- that I will be offended if he does not let you suspend yourself from work for a week.
One final thing: if you don't understand or appreciate satire, you've offended me. Apologize now and go suspend yourself.
Posts
3 comments:
I'm going pretend to be offended by your weblog, therefore offending you, thereby earning a week's suspension, which sounds really great right about now.
Of course, in doing so, I have probably offended all of those who were actually offended, causing even greater offense. Does that mean I get two weeks off?
Denny,
You may have found a loop hole (or perhaps just a loop) in the offense-O-matic. I'll have to look into the legal ramifications.
It's the *flying" spaghetti monster, you indolent, insensitive slob. I'm really offended -- so offended, I'm going to say something that offends you so much that I get *three* weeks off.
So here's the really offensive thing...
...wait for it...
...see, I did it. I made you wait. That one was on your list.
Aren't you just burning with righteous indignation? So righteously indignant, perhaps, that someone might mistake you for a member of a minority group instead of the oppressive white male that you actually are?
heh. this is fun.
Post a Comment